Overheard GOD and St Francis talking about our lawns

My Sister-in-law sent this to me today. If you were wondering what God thinks of our gardens and lawns, read on...

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the World is going on down there on Earth? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: Its the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But its so boring. Its not colorful. It doesnt attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. Its temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back On the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You arent going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a Sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. Its a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: Youd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: Nooo. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the Winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy Something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I dont want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, youre in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. Its a real stupid movie about.............

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

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Create an Outdoor Room by Dividing and Conquering Space

Outdoor living is increasing in popularity and creating a mini-vacation in your backyard is assisting in this trend? Why? Well, some point to the economy, some point to increasing travel and hotel costs that drive vacation prices through the roof, and others point to the ability to enjoy their own backyards as equally as a hotel or resort get-a-way. The nice thing about this trend, is that not only are homeowners investing in longevity and property value, but they get to entertain family and friends in the comfort of their backyards more often than not.



The thing that confuses folks when they set out to create an outdoor living room is that they do not take the existing space into consideration when planning. They think, lets start over here and do this, then well go over there and do that, without taking the entire completed project into account. Think of your backyard as a blank canvas, sketch out a top-down view of the space, measure out the natural design as it exists first, where does the sun set, are there existing trees or shrubs already, and then brainstorm and play around with different concepts.



Keep in mind the natural pathways through and around the space and how you can highlight certain landscape features by leading a visitor down a trail through sections. The key word in that sentence is "sections."

According to landscaping.about.com, we take for granted that interiors of homes have sectioned off rooms, with their own distinct space. The same can be achieved in your backyard be creating several unique outdoor living spaces. You can section off different areas of your backyard creating mini-landscape designs by utilizing retaining walls, pavers for patios and pathways, low lying shrubs, benches, seating stones and even create fenced in privacy with trees.



Keep in mind the three essential spaces you will want to include in your outdoor living rooms. 1) A gather space for guests. Fire pits make great centerpieces for outdoor living entertainment. 2) A seating area for eating and drinking. 3) A grilling area to cook up your favorite recipes. Once you have designed your outdoor living space, you will need to tie it all together with some patio furniture. And a great place to get started is PatioOutfitters.net. They can take care of all of your patio and landscaping needs.

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